According to Twilight
by naruslilG
Summary: Sasuke desperately tries to explain to his boyfriend that he is a vampire but according to his boyfriend and Twilight he isn't.


Just a little funny fic…I thought about

Please REVIEW

I don't own anybody

X

"You're a vampire," Naruto asked in an overly sarcastic voice that made Sasuke's theoretical blood boil. He massaged the bridge of his nose and held back a suffering sigh; let's try this one more time.

"Yes Naruto, for the fifth time I am a vampire," Naruto looked at him, I mean really looked at him his piercing blue eyes scanned the pale angry Uchiha up and down his eyes taking a critical tint to them. It felt like hours for Sasuke the almost creepy staring at his body and frankly Sasuke was getting tired of it.

"Just staring is not going to prove how I'm a vampire," Sasuke nearly shouted. When he decided to tell his boyfriend of six years about his heritage he had expected a terrified shriek and some yelling what he didn't expect was the outright refusal to believe that Sasuke was actually a vampire.

Naruto looked at him then gasped in shock and glanced sharply at the sky and back at Sasuke. "You sly fucker I knew you weren't a vampire." Sasuke had to. Sasuke just couldn't hold back anymore. He let out a long and exaggerated sigh before glancing at Naruto the question 'what the hell are you talking about?' clearly reading across his face.

"The sun is out..." Naruto stated and Sasuke blinked twice at him. That actually wasn't a bad observation. He knew that horror movies had overly played a vampires sensitivity to the sun…with the whole burning to ash thing (Which wasn't true) and had expected this question to come in a conversation once Naruto had gotten over the whole vampire thing. He straightened up this was more like it.

"Despite what you see on T.V Naruto us vampires do not burn when we step into the sunlight in fact-"

"Burn? What are you talking about?"

Sasuke stared at Naruto oddly before continuing what he was saying but at a slower pace "Naruto I assumed your question was in regards to me standing in the sun, because I know that the world has adopted this insane notion that vampires usually burn in sunlight but-"

"No you're not glittering!" Naruto shouted out a little aggravated and now Sasuke was completely lost. Glittering?

"I'm sorry. I just want to make sure I heard you right, but did you say glittering?" Naruto nodded enthusiastically and Sasuke felt like he was talking to a five year old. "I know that I'm gay Naruto but that kind of derogatory term is not accep-"

"No you dumbass. When vampires are in the sun they glitter. You know….they kind of sparkle," alright Sasuke thought he was lost before but now he was completely and utterly confused, hell he wasn't even sure if he and Naruto were speaking the same language anymore.

"And where did you find out that vampire's glitter Naruto?"

"Twilight."

"Twilight?"

"Yep. Twilight."

Sasuke stared at him. Twilight, he vaguely remembers hearing something about twilight, but he wasn't sure where and looked his boyfriend dare he ask?

"And why does Twilight say vampires sparkle when they are exposed to the sun?"

"Ask Edward you fake vampire,"

Edward. And then it all came back to him in one horrifying memory. He remembered the day like it was yesterday. Naruto for once in his life had decided to go to a bookstore after being forced to read a book from Sakura. Sasuke didn't know the name of the book, but what he did know was that his boyfriend was holed up in the guest room for a week leaving Sasuke needy for some special attention. After a week of over using his hand Naruto finally came out and instead of receiving a passionate kiss he was instead dragged down to the book store to buy the Twilight Saga.

Sasuke didn't know what he was getting into. At first he was proud of Naruto, he was proud that Naruto had finally decided to read something other than ramen directions, but his joy was soon killed. After Naruto had finished the books all he heard was "Edward" this and "Edward" that and "How hot do you think Edward would be?" or "Is Jacob hotter?" and that wasn't even the worst of his problems.

When Twilight thought that selling over a fucking millions books a day and effectively ruining his relationship with his boyfriend wasn't enough they decided to make a movie? They made a mother fucking movie that birthed a whole new person within Naruto. He found himself dragged to every single fucking Twilight movie with matching shirts that said Team Jacob after that he was dragged to the Twilight after party with Naruto and his friends where they discussed the book and movies in great details.

And when Naruto had innocently asked what he thought about the comparison and Sasuke had stupidly responded with "I never read it." That's when true hell broke loose. After that he was dragged to every fucking Twilight party, Twilight book signing, Twilight interviews, hell Naruto made him watch the segment Oprah had on Twilight. Pretty soon everything was Twilight in the house.

But with the completion of the books and the next movie not coming out in a year the house and Sasuke had slowly forgotten about that horrible time in their lives. They had gotten back to their daily routine and Twilight was never mentioned again….until now. Sasuke shivered knowing that he was in dangerous waters.

"Naruto you do know that Edward isn't real," Sasuke asked slowly almost pleading; Naruto gave him a quick look before crossing his arms an apparent sign that he had an attitude.

"Realest vampire I've ever met."

"Its fiction Naruto…"

"Realest vampire"

"It's not even real," Sasuke forced out growing angry.

"Realest vampire,"

"It's just a damn book," Sasuke screamed seething. He knew he was glaring but fuck it he wasn't about to let his species be undermined by some book.

Naruto leveled his glare and spoke loudly and infuriatingly, "Realest. Vampire. I. Have. Ever. Met."

It was silent. It was silent due to Naruto's anger and Sasuke's disbelief. Sasuke calmed himself down counting backwards slowly in his head. "Okay I'll prove it to you," Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Ask me anything or ask me to show you something and I'll do it for you."

"Okay," Naruto said hotly, "Well we already know that you don't sparkle so that's strike one," Sasuke twitched, "Are you cold to the touch?"

Sasuke smirked lecherously despite his anger, "I think you know the answer to that one," Naruto blushed heavily before nodding his head.

"Strike two. Do you have any powers?"

"No." Naruto gaped at him and Sasuke chuckled slowly relaxing.

"Now I know you're lying what vampire doesn't have powers?"

"All of them. It's actually a stereotype; we are like every other human except for the fact that we can live off blood."

There was a pregnant pause, "Live off blood?"

"Yes."

"So….you don't crave it?"

"No."

"Bullshit!" Naruto yelled, "There is no way you're going to sit here and claim to be a vampire and say that you don't actually need blood," Sasuke stared at him in shock his relaxed posture now tensed…again.

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Saying that all vampires crave blood is...is... racist!"

"Racist! How the fuck is that racist?"

"Because it's not true. You're basing assumptions on false pretenses that the media has provided."

There was another long silence and Sasuke almost turned around and said fuck it but the look in Naruto's eyes stopped him.

"Do you at least have fangs?"

"….no."

More silence, "You're lying."

Sasuke sighed at Naruto knowing that his battle was over. That his boyfriend was never going to believe that he was a vampire. That his boyfriend was never going to believe that he was sleeping with an actual vampire and in a twisted way he didn't mind. Because if being a vampire meant having superpowers and weird fangs then he was content on just being Naruto's boyfriend who could live off blood…if he wanted to.

X

THE END

REVIEW! lol


End file.
